I need some advice

Hi! Let me tell you a bit about my story. Since I was a child, I’ve had pure OCD with very strong compulsions and magical thinking, as well as health anxiety that has been with me my whole life. At some point, this was also joined by DPDR in episodes. This is how I spent part of my childhood and adolescence, with irrational fears that blocked me and didn’t let me be a normal kid. I missed out on camps, trips, outings with friends, and suffered from stress almost daily, but no one knew how to name my suffering—it was a different time (I’m 27 now).

It wasn’t until a year ago, after a traumatic death and a breakup (which are connected), that my body began to somatize more than ever (though it had already done so before). I experienced palpitations, ectopic beats, dizziness, fatigue, and a kind of flashbacks with very random images. I ended up in the ER several times, but they couldn’t find anything. I underwent a ton of tests while suffering greatly. I felt very disconnected, and my derealization became (once again) constant. On top of that, there were the flashbacks—my body and mind constantly felt like they were dying.

I had to stop living my life and began obsessively searching for answers and solutions. Although I wasn’t very convinced that what was happening to me was mental (health anxiety is a liar), I decided to find a good therapist (I had spent years jumping from one to another, and no one seemed to identify my patterns—it was a waste of money and time). I’ve been working with my current therapist since then, and I’ve improved in many ways. Little by little, I’m resuming my life, but a year and some months have passed, and I’m still struggling with some symptoms and fears.

I’ve been advised to start taking escitalopram, but I don’t dare. My OCD and health anxiety keep finding reasons why it’s a bad idea, but the truth is, living with a mind that goes 3000 km/h and is full of fears and disconnected from reality doesn’t allow me to be the kind of person I believe I am beneath all this tangle of diagnoses.

I don’t want to keep being afraid. Could you help me with your opinion on how you would approach this problem? Would you take the medication? And if anyone has any experiences to share, that would also be great.

I’m sorry for the long text. I hope you all have a wonderful day, and thank you so much for reading this, from the bottom of my heart.